traveling in the right circles
what goes around, comes around.
you live twenty years, thirty, and you think you’ve changed, you think that life has turned you into a different person than the one you were at 15, or 25. And then you go back and read the poetry you wrote way back then, and you see how many things have stayed the same.
it’s kind of funny, really.
and i don’t mean to say that it’s all bad, i discovered some good poems, (along with some awful ones) and i even came across phrases that sounded remarkably similar to things i have written recently. that’s when it hit me, actually, how much the more things change, the more they stay the same.
when i was 17, graduating from high school, i wanted to be a writer, a poet specifically, and then a photographer. or vice versa. or both. i thought i might travel the country and take pictures. and i was accepted into a great college for photography, but i applied so late that i was put on the waiting list.
and then life got in the way.
during the year that followed, the year in which I had to wait, i got married. the day after I turned nineteen. it all seems so incredibly crazy now, my kids are all in their mid-twenties and I can’t even imagine them married. but back then it wasn’t so unusual, and i fell in love and suddenly traveling the country with a camera in my hand faded into the distance.
there was still poetry, lots of poetry, particularly during those angst-filled years when I tried to find my place in the world. and then even more when, seven years later, my marriage ended. (i know, classic timing.) but the poetry, the writing, was always there, although i never pursued it as a vocation.
and now, all these years later, i am right back where I started, writing and taking pictures and that makes me stop and wonder if all this time, in-between then and now, was wasted, at least as far as my art is concerned.
all the pictures that could have been taken,
all the words that could have been written.
this year, in the funny way that life has of pointing you in the right direction, i stumbled upon blogs and blogging, and then I needed pictures and, of course, i had to write, and suddenly i have come full circle, facing that girl again, with her pictures and her words.
only this time, this time, i think i have learned enough
to know better than to turn away.
this time i’m going to walk right up and hug her,
thank her for being there for me, all along
and then i’m going to walk around the next circle,
this next ring in the tree that is my life,
with her in the center as my guide.
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