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looking forward
For quite some time now, it has felt like my life was on a bit of a hold, waiting for my surgery, not being able to use my knee in all the ways that let me lead my normal life. I am so glad to put this chapter behind me and begin turning the page to start the next one.
The not being able to run has, without a doubt, been the hardest. I know that can sound crazy if you don’t run, but for me, running is my meditation, my stress reliever, the one thing I do just for me that brings me back to center.
I am so looking forward to running again. Sweating out all the tension and anxiety that my body tries to hold onto, feeling the accomplishment that comes with each half mile, then mile. The peace and serenity I feel afterward.
And there is my garden, that poor, tangled jungle that is just waiting for someone to bring order to its chaos. It is truly amazing how quickly nature can take back the land when you are not looking.
I am so looking forward to spending a long, lazy Sunday out there on my hands and knees, getting reacquainted with each plant and square foot of earth, feeling the sun beat down on my back. Gardening consoles me.
I am looking forward to walking up stairs with no pain, squatting down to pick up the bead that I’ve dropped, reaching into the back of that corner cupboard that requires getting down on hands and knees. All the little things that get taken for granted, until you can no longer do them.
These few months with this not-so-serious injury took me back a few years to the time when I was sick with a kidney problem, with all the same feelings of helplessness and frustration and let’s face it, mortality, floating around in the back of my mind.
In many ways, it was a good reminder for me, a gentle nudge to tell me to appreciate all that I have, to live each day to the fullest, to embrace each minute with joy and wonder, and maybe even to slow down, just a little.
And so today, I am looking forward.
To life.
Comments
We wouldn’t have known if you hadn’t said anything. Your posts always seem to be rooted in the paying attention, the here & now. And perhaps rooted is the oh-so-right word. The here & now also exists out there on the path you run and you can pull up a few roots to get there. I am always glad to be along for the journey. And ps – perfect image.
Posted by: Debi | June 20th, 2011 09:57
Stunning narrative that hits home for me as well. Bad injuries and bad genes create not a happy knee. I’ll have to take that route one of these days. It’s amazing how we take for granted the simple things such as kneeling. I’m excited for your recovery and hearing your progress! Maybe your experience is the nudge I need!
Posted by: missing moments | June 20th, 2011 10:02
testing. please forgive me.
Posted by: Debi | June 20th, 2011 10:37
This so hit home for me – thanks for the great post. I hope your recovery goes well!
Posted by: Jamie S | June 20th, 2011 11:14
I can definitely relate to this post. I’ve been ill since christmas and there’s been no let up. I’m freaking out about a colonoscopy that I have scheduled towards the end of next month but I’m hoping it might provide some answers.
Posted by: Kathryn Dyche Dechairo | June 20th, 2011 11:21
I hope you are feeling better soon. I have bad knees from years of Martial Arts and when they flare up there is nothing more depressing or frustrating than not being able to get around like you want. Keeping you in happy thoughts.
Posted by: Ta | June 20th, 2011 11:41
that is a great place to be headed ..forward ..i have been meaning to tell you how often I think of you when I wear my bracelet..heal well friend
Posted by: elk | June 20th, 2011 12:00
forward is always better than backwards
Posted by: Chantal | June 21st, 2011 03:38
Looking forward is the best way. My mother-in-law had knee replacement surgery 3 moths ago and are so pleased with it.
Posted by: Frida | June 21st, 2011 08:14
Wishing you health and healing so that you’re out running again!
Posted by: Anna VanDemark | June 21st, 2011 18:51
Wonderful post, and a reminder to be thankful for our health each day.
Posted by: lisa | June 21st, 2011 23:33
I wish you a successful procedure and speedy recovery. Your post is such a great reminder to keep on appreciating what we do have and stop focusing on what we don’t.
Posted by: Karen | June 22nd, 2011 08:55
I am here at this post awfully late, and so glad at this point that you are doing so well with your recovery. I understand very well the frustration of not being able to do simple, ordinary things, and I apologize for not keeping up with your blog–and therefore not realizing that is how you were feeling. I would have loved to offer you encouragement, and am doubly glad that you are now healing. ♥
Posted by: Amy | July 24th, 2011 01:34